Also the one where I posted the graffiti on campus. That was super-cool. Within a couple of days, that one had more views than the one about our beer adventures in Portland I post-shared, or whatever you call it, with my brothers. They work at Native Rank Inc., an SEO company, and know how to get shit done.
I'm not knocking my brothers. They rock. I'm talking up the kids who did the graffiti. Still waiting for something, guys. Because after anyone reads this post, they'll realize I don't have much to post about. Just give me something to post about already. Not that I'm encouraging you in any official sense. But you know what I mean.
Anyway, crowling. What is it?
Here's the thing that got me wondering:
These were near the register, with other impulse items like gum and pocketable expensive items like lady shavers, at the on-campus Migros where we went to buy some rather innocent post-prandial items like mandarin oranges and chocolate.
There was only one thing to do. Photograph the condoms. And then buy the condoms for further inspection. Plus we have our own personal co-worker Ekşisözlük who knows stuff like Ottoman Turkish and when to use the şapka on the "a" and maybe just maybe, what the fuck crowling means.
Context told us the other words on the box mean something like "ribbed for maximum pleasure." When we looked up "tırtıklı," we got, among other unpleasant words, "corrugated."
We also mostly figured most of the nuances of the gels that come free with the crowling condoms. Lubricating was one, which I know becuase "kaygınlaştırıcı" is one of my favorite words in Turkish, in and of itself an agglutinating orgasm. Anyway. Another gel in the pack is chocolate-flavored. Okay. I get it. I don't, really, but I do in certain contexts.
|Goddamn that not-so-fresh feeling.|
It all comes back to crowling. Maybe after engaging in this mysterious act, I would be in need of some serious, gel-related hygiene.
|Yes, you do, cock.|
|You'll always be Iron Man.|
Our Ekşisözlük co-worker didn't know what crowling is either. But things got very giggly all over again. Then a student turned up for grammar help and we contained ourselves and stashed the condoms. They had won the battle, but not the war.
Thank goodness for Urban Dictionary. When you Google crowling, you find out a lot of people don't know how to spell crawling and you turn up lots of baby pictures. But when you insist you meant crowling and not crawling (one must be insistent with Google from time to time), you get this:
To make vigorous, often violent, viscious or even forcable or animalistic love by means of penetration of any orafice with the turgid male genitalia.
(Misspellings not mine, thank you very much. The fact that this person spells like that and uses the word turgid in the same sentence makes this Urban Dictionary entry priceless.)
Which just makes me wonder what the fuck these condoms are all about in the first place. Who came up with that word to put on the box? And why?
At least I get why I might need the gel to cleanse my lady parts after.