Every night I sleep stalk my kid
I've been doing it since he was born.
Before that, of course, I had no choice. I knew exactly what he was doing all the time
Even hiccuping, which he did a lot
And still does if he laughs too hard and too long.
But after he came out, I had to check him.
Is the baby still breathing?
Touch his forehead
Push back his sweaty hair with my fingertips
Brush his cheek with the back of my hand
He snuffles and snorts and shuffles the way he's always done
Kicks off the blankets
Rolls towards me and sighs
The baby is fine.
It's not SIDS this time
Off the hook another night!
I put my hand on his arm
Just to feel its smallness.
I told my kid how I sleep stalk him
I showed him the pictures.
He didn't care for that, how I posted them on the Internet
One way his face has never changed is when he is sleeping.
So I promised I wouldn't take pictures anymore
(except for the one in the Angry Bird blanket which he said I can post)
And I haven't since then.
But I also promised I'd never stop sleep stalking him.
And I totally still do, every night.