Thursday, November 3, 2011

Aardvark Precious: The Best Bug Ever

If all bugs looked like this one, I would like bugs a lot more. Best bug ever, with that long aardvark-y nose. "Aardvark" is a fantastic word one doesn't have nearly enough call to use, so I'm glad this bug gave me the opportunity to think about aardvarks a lot.

Remember this?

What a fucking great animal. It digs! It roots! It lumbers about! And it has a long wiggly nose it's not the least bit embarrassed of! If aardvarks are assholes, I never want to know about it because every day of my life it makes me very happy to know that koala bears are rarely assholes and that they're as dopey and cuddly as they look. Plus they smell like eucalyptus. I was really upset when I found out panda bears have a tendency to be complete dicks.

I assure you there's a direct relationship between those thoughts. Just work with me here.

Seriously, I would have kissed this bug if I hadn't been afraid it would stick to my lips or die of fright. I totally apologized to it for taking its picture, because it didn't really care for that either.


pisipati said...

Wow cool buggy,how do you find this bugs stranger,I've never seen a bug like this in my life.It looks like gonzo from the muppet show.

Stranger said...

I know, right? Isn't it a wonderful bug? I thought of Gonzo too. How could a bug be so loveable?

The other reason I didn't kiss it was because I was afraid it was some weird exotic bug that flew in with a shipment of bananas or whatever, and that it would have a scary poison that would make my lips swell up, therefore requiring a trip to the dreaded doctor.

UNchecked other said...

I can do #2, too! One time I unleashed my freaky double-jointedness to my grandma's friend who was very superstitious, and she was convinced I was the real-life Linda she doesn't try to nag me about getting married because she's worried I'd devour husbands or something ;oP

Stranger said...

Sometimes, the ladies have to use whatever tools we have to make people shut up.

And wow! We should form a creepy joint club, with all the weird fingers coming out of the woodwork here...